Teenage Dirtbags by James Acker

I absolutely loved this book and I am not a Young Adult (YA) reader. While reading, it reminded me of my own high school experience without making me feel bad—it was that angst while knowing everything is gonna be alright. I loved that it started off with such tension that then led beautifully into what ultimately led the boys back together—a revenge scheme.

The last time we decided to have a sleepover, two years ago, I gave Phil one of my Hanukkah presents and he gave me a slap across the face.

The book flips perspective back and forth between high school students Jackson Pasternak and Phil Reyno as they navigate their junior year and their past. With the flipped perspectives James Acker packs in lots of the differences and similarities between the two boys; with those comparisons, I felt for both and related to both. Phil holds trauma and Jackson has his own setbacks as well. And through their silly revenge plot made against Cameron (a sociopath? psychopath?—portrayed beautifully/ugi-ly and scarily well and with visceral depiction of bullying and manipulation) and co. they are able to reevaluate all those comparisons in a new light.

Five years of finding each other. Finding all those things in common. All gone. Because our differences just wouldn’t stop. We couldn’t stop them from mattering. We couldn’t make it to high school. Phil Reyno couldn’t stop himself from hating his best friend and Jackson Pasternak couldn’t convince him any better. We just couldn’t find enough in common. Tonight needed to be different.

The author captures sadness so well in a single line

“You’re the only person who’s come to see me.”

and the honesty with which these kids speak to one another are little openings so real because of the history established in Acker’s tender character development.

This sadness is also in the reflection teens do about their place in the world, including their place with the adults in their world. Although the parents and adults were limitedly shown in the book their absence did not feel orphan hero story trope because of the presence that was captured.

He chuckled. “I get it. It’s been a minute. But you are quick. Y’get that from me.”
“Oooooh. That’s what I got from you. I was starting to wonder.”
“Okay, cool it, chief. We’re just eating. We don’t gotta always be…on” I rolled my eyes and focused my attention quickly on my quickly melting cherry shake.

“But you have such a pretty voice, Jackson, you and your father. I think you could use more fun in your life.”…”You could use silly. You’ve acted like you were forty since you were fourteen, my love, something silly could be incredibly enriching. Not for the résumé or the colleges, something silly and simple.”

I think as adults, we want to say that we have figured ourselves out more than this time sliver as a teenager—and many of us will say we will never know enough, let alone about ourselves. But the magic of this teen mindset is that finding yourself—what you are and what you are not—seems the upmost importance at that time and James Acker captures this so well, especially for those of us who never felt like they worth being seen—or were only seen for what they lacked, or were only seen as something to be used.

Trigger warning / content warning (tw/cw)

(graphic): bullying, homophobia, toxic relationships/friendships, emotional abuse, (moderate): alcoholism, fatphobia, (minor): classism, drug use, self harm, suicide attempt